Beliefs: Testimony 2
Written February, 2003:
Introduction
It's funny looking back at my last testimony to realize how much I've changed since then. And it's kind of
scary how I talked about the one factor that would really sidetrack me from seeking God for a while:
career and money. As I look back over the last 4 years since then, it is the time that I matured the most.
The things that have happened after college in the work world, I could never have prepared for, but I'm
glad for all the experiences. I'm so thankful I learned these lessons while I am still young.
Dot com Boom!
When I last wrote my testimony, I had been out of college less than a year and on paper, I was a millionaire because of the dot com boom. I was in the middle of my journey into greed and work which began to consume my life. So how did I get to this point?
I graduated college during a great economy and coupled with solid internships and a great education, I had many offers to choose from. All offers were for some type of programming except for one: a strategic consulting position for a small firm in Boston. I took the offer and actually ended up hating the job because of the lack of challenge and responsibility. Where can a young graduate get responsibility? A startup.
I joined a startup in Boston and remember back when I was negotiating the offer. Options? What are those? I would find out in 4 months. I ended up joining the Sales organization as a Technical Consultant and was responsible for closing business by explaining the technology to prospects. In that high-tech environment coupled with being in the sales organization, the greed and drive for money started to rub off onto me. It happened at a pace that I didn't even realize I was changing, or maybe I just wanted to ignore that fact and go for the "gold."
How did this happen? If I were honest to myself growing up, my priorities would be grades, family, friends, and then God. It's hard to realize that and admit it as a Christian. It's easy to get blinded by the immediate stresses of the world. Obviously none of these things in itself are bad, but I didn't place them in the correct perspective. After graduation, grades as a measure of success became money.
Four months after working at that startup, I had success! We had an IPO in July 1999, and I was a paper millionaire. You'd be ecstatic, right? I was, but surprisingly I wasn't. I kept looking around and wanted to have more than the person sitting next to me. I wanted to earn a quick buck on the stock market. I started losing the focus on life.
At this time, spending was lavish, and I was also doing extensive traveling which also affected my behavior. I started becoming very impatient and meaner, which is not core to my personality. By December 1999, I was a multi-millionaire and still not satisfied. I look back now and laugh! Satisfaction is not found in money or career! Not that I was feeling this at the time, but I know that unfortunately family and friends can disappoint as well.
Hey, some money!
This all continued for a while. I was a millionaire up until the day before I vested (the day I was finally allowed to sell some of the stock I had). Funny, huh? Well I did end up selling some stock and had a small amount of money.
Having money for the first time, I wasn't sure what to do with it. I ended up going with a friend to a broker but didn't want to pay the high commissions. Now I never really considered myself naive, but what happened next showed me that I indeed was. A lot of it probably was due to the greed that blinded me.
This friend made himself out to be a VERY wealthy individual and offered to take the money at no risk. He said people helped him out when he was younger, and he wanted to do me a favor. He would give me the rate of return of some mutual funds, and if they dropped, he would return my money at no loss. Sounds too good to be true! And later you'll see that it was. So, I handed off the money and we signed a one year contract.
Dot com Bust! And Time To Reflect
Shortly after this point the stock started dropping quickly and the dot com fever was waning. The remaining shares I had did not have a significant impact on my wealth, and everyone at work started to relax more. The dream was over, and the bubble was burst. I started to wake up and realized my life was spent chasing the wrong dream. I needed to refocus and place God as my number one priority once again.
I ended up switching positions within the company from a Technical Consultant to a Product Manager. That meant no more traveling which was a relief. I could finally spend more time building relationships back in Boston. The most important step though was to seek God again.
A New Beginning
I ended up talking to one of the pastors from my church, BCEC (Boston Chinese Evangelical Church) and asked him how I could refocus my life. He offered to disciple me, which meant that we would meet on a regular basis to talk about the Bible, for him to answer any questions I had, and to pray. The most important suggestion he had though was to serve at church.
I began to serve for the young adult fellowship at BCEC to try to organize it and get it kicked off again, as it had been on the weak side. I really began to mature a lot at this point since I was finally doing what God wants us all to do: seek Him, love Him, and obey Him.
I don't know why, but all those previous years as a Christian, I never understood or chose the responsibility of serving God. I was always at church to be fed and focused on myself, not the needs of the church or others. I was really missing out on the joy of serving the Lord all those years.
Broken Again
Unfortunately shortly after I began this endeavor, I lost my job which was quite a shock. This was a crushing blow since I wrapped a lot of my identity and worth into my job. I didn't realize this until I was actually let go. It's really when God broke me down did I realize my need for Him. It gave me a lot of time to reflect on life as a whole. Fortunately I've been able to place my identity in Christ through that struggle. It was a revisiting of the issue of the purpose of life, and it brought me back to the same answer of having a relationship with God, loving Him, and loving others.
Loving others can be a difficult proposition especially when others wrong you and appear unrepentant about the situation. Five months after losing my job, God blessed me with a job in a difficult job market down in the DC area. It was a difficult move since I really didn't have any friends in the area when I moved there, but that would be the least of my problems.
And Again
At around the time I moved down to DC, the contract with my friend who I gave my money was expiring, but he did not honor his side. He wasn't giving any of my money back, and I ended up going down this path that I wish I didn't have to. I ended up suing him to try to get my money back, and that's something that will make you mature very quickly.
My first reaction to the whole situation of being betrayed was a mixture of anger and pain. I think it helped me understand a bit of how God can feel, especially Jesus, but of course mine was in a scale so pale in comparison that I almost hate to make it. Yet it did draw me closer to God.
I got to the point where even if I never got my money back and had to work for a LONG time just to pay off taxes that I couldn't initially pay because of this situation, I would be okay. I knew God would provide whether that meant getting the money back or not, and I also knew that I had to love the person who betrayed me. I also learned a lot about patience, and to begin to overcome worrying about the future and situations.
Fortunately in the end, God blessed me abundantly through a relatively quick lawsuit, and I was able to get all my money back. Getting the money back was another long arduous task, but it finally happened, and I was able to pay off my taxes and move on with that valuable experience that changed me.
Serving in DC
DC was a great place, and it was unfortunate that I was there for such a short period of time. Even though I hardly knew anybody, I met friends of friends in who were in DC and had a great time. It's both exciting and tiring to settle into a new area.
One of my first tasks was to settle into a church especially since I was excited to serve once again. It was so distracting to serve when I lost my job in Boston, I really wanted to see my service through this time. I quickly decided to go to a church that my cousin recommended as it was her home church.
Being excited about service was not a mistake, but I should have spent more time thinking about whether or not I fit in the community at the church. I felt like I didn't as a I hardly spent any time with the people in the young adult fellowship even though I was serving in the outreach ministry for the young adults. For some reason, I didn't enjoy spending as much time with them as the other people that I met, most of whom were not Christians.
In the end though, I had a disturbingly familiar situation. The startup in DC that I was working for was the US division of a Finnish startup which decided to shutter the US operations after only 5 months of existence. I was there from the beginning to the end. This time I was much more equipped emotionally to deal with the situation although it was still not what I wanted to happen.
I ended up distracted once again from serving God, and in the end, interestingly the same exact situation that happened in Boston, happened again. Look for a job in the area you are living in, New York City, or San Francisco. If nothing works out move home to NJ. Within 2 weeks of moving home, you will find a job.
Yet Another New Home
This time the job led me to San Francisco which was exciting as I've been trying to get myself out there for a while. Yet another startup! I have some really great friends from college in the Bay Area, and I was excited to be reunited with them. I was also able to apply much of what I learned in the past to a new place.
A lot of God's blessings came at the time I moved out. I got a job once again, and the money that was taken from me was returned then as well which was right when I needed it. I was very careful this time in choosing a church to avoid the same mistake in DC and ended up with one called Sunset Chinese Baptist Church in San Francisco.
This was after visiting around 7 churches in the Bay Area and applying my criteria, of a place with good teaching, with people I can fellowship with, and a place where I can serve. This was a place where I found all three.
Recently I've been serving in the young adult ministry there helping to start up a group where anyone can find out more about Christianity and ask questions. This really helped reinforce the fact that the one steady goal and purpose we have is to serve God, love Him, and love our neighbors. We are constantly in need of those reminders as it is easy to be distracted.
So, who knows what God will teach me over the next few years. If there's anything I realize though, it's to take it a step at a time with God because you never know where He will lead you. But, He knows what is best for you.
To end, I want to add a quote I really like which I made up (although I'm sure there are similar quotes out there): I'm learning from the past, living in the present, and excited for the future.
