Beliefs: Testimony 1
As written and read on November 28, 1999:
Hi, my name is Clarence Kam, and I started attending a church in New Jersey called MCCC since about 11
years ago up until I went off to college in 1994. After attending college, I decided to come back to MCCC
to get baptized. MCCC is where I really learned about God, and where I decided to dedicate my life to
developing a personal relationship with God about 10 years ago. This decision was the best decision of my
life, and it has been one of the hardest as well. So what lead up to this event?
As far back as I can remember, I have always believed in God; I was not always sure of who exactly He was nor what He wanted in my life. Why I believed in God, I'm not sure. I suppose I was just blessed. As a child, I lived what seemed to be a pretty good life. I listened to my parents for the most part, I did well in school, and in general was not a very big trouble maker. My parents brought me up to be a good kid.
Growing into adolescence though, things quickly change. Although I was brought up decently well, I started changing. As a teen, there is the constant search for acceptance, there is rebellion, and other typical problems. I started acting worse than before although nothing extremely horrible. I started wondering what life was all about. My life at the time really revolved on doing well in school and finding acceptance in friends.
I started finding joy in friends and doing well in school. I started playing sports and found satisfaction in that as well as the respect that came along with it. But all of this was fleeting. Yet, I constantly craved and strove for this type of satisfaction. There was a lack of real fulfillment and direction in life. "Meaningless! Meaningless! Says the Teacher. Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless" Ecclesiastes 1:2. Of course this is without God in my life.
What started a change in my life was when one of my friends asked me to go to a youth group fellowship. This is just a group that meets together once a week to learn more about God and how to build a relationship with Him. I began going initially because I knew a lot of the people there, and I felt an acceptance. But friends could never be a catalyst for a decision to lead a life developing a relationship with God.
Yet, I started to slowly learn more about God and Jesus, and how He made man to be in a relationship with God. But humans disobeyed God (or sinned) and were not able to be in His presence. In other words either through active rebellion or passive indifference we have separated ourselves from God. In order to bridge this separation between God and us, Jesus as the son of God died in order to cleanse us of our sins. Basically, by accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, any act against God has been forgiven already.
By doing so, it is the way to live a life that God wants for you and to build a personal relationship. In order to get to that point, it is important to understand who God is through asking other Christians, studying the Bible, and/or attending church. In the end though, it comes down to a personal decision between God and you alone. During one of the fellowship meetings, I decided that I wanted to accept Jesus and God into my life and try to place God as the center of my life.
At first I did not feel a humongous difference, but in reflection I can see how I started to try to steer away from committing sins as much as possible. Living a Christian life is not going to instantaneously change you into a different person. Rather, it is a continual process of improvement that never ends since we can never be perfect. More importantly it's about getting to know God, and what His plan for your life is. Of course this is easier said then done. "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it" Matthew 7:13. As a human, I still did commit sins, but I strived to be the person that God wants me to be.
I still did treasure acceptance from friends, parents, and doing well in school and work. Of course none of these things is bad, but by relying on God and keeping the focus on Him, God will help take care of these needs. It is not always easy sailing, but everything happens for a purpose. By the time I was a senior in high school, I felt confident that I was never going to stop trying to lead a Godly life and wanted to get baptized then, but did not end up getting baptized at the time.
As I went off to college, it was a new experience. There were so many different types of people around, and there were so many different thoughts and ideas floating around. At times I had doubts about whether God really existed or not, but I can really see that God has affected my life by keeping me in a straight path. He also helped me through hard times that I have experienced as well.
Ironically, the area of my life that God has blessed me the most in has been the part of my life that distracts me the most from Him. This is my career aspiration and money. Many times in my life I have put so much time and effort into work that I ignore God. Fortunately at other times I really gave all my cares to God, and let Him guide me. The big difference was working with God rather than on my own. From high school on up, God has guided me to a great school and various jobs/internships. Although some of the internships and jobs were not the greatest, I have learned a lot from each experience or location that I ended up living in.
Now in my life, I know I will never stop trying to live a Godly life. I can really see how God has led me throughout the years, and I am overjoyed that He will also be a part of my future. He has helped me see what is important in this world and what life is about. I look forward to getting to know him more through both good and bad times. It still is not easy, and I still struggle to stay focused on God. Yet through time and prayer, I can lead a more Godly life and get to know God more.
